Faith knows how to fuck with you

Why is it the only time you find out that something doesn't work is when you need it or want it? Does 'Faith' have something to do with it? What makes a thing go bad or won't work when its worked perfectly before? I went to turn on the stand up AC I have in bedroom to help cool down my flop, now here is some background on it... last year I worked it like a dog.. I don't know where that saying comes from because all the dogs I've seen are either sleeping, sitting, begging, barking, sniffing crotches or eating; never really seen one work much... even police dogs get to ride around in a cop car with AC or windows down for them... well back to what I'm ranting about... I went to use the stand up AC, it was having a hard time blowing (so much can be written here)... I check the manual, check online, then like any other guy... I took it apart to give it a hell-a-va cleaning... put it back together not even one leftover screw... put it back in its spot, let it sit like I was supposed to... I even waited a few days so it could get use to being clean... today I thought about giving it a test run to see if it would work... once again 'Faith' steps in... it blows (again so much could be written here)... but won't cool... it acts like it wants to... I've even tried sweet talking to it... but 'Faith' has a bigger wrench than I do... now it's either do what most of us do, throw it away and get another one or see if it can be worked on... then 'Faith' will step in again with the repairman saying "I can fix it but it will cost about what you would spend on a new one"... I wonder if this ever happens to 'Faith'? She can be such a bitch! Trying to keep cool in spite of 'Faith'... I wonder if its because we dated once? Maybe that's why she likes to tormenting me... other things that 'Faith' likes to fuck with... as per my getting down to porn weight of late... this weekend I have not been doing my best to cut down on what I've been eating... I've been doing my usual Starbucks at the beginning of the day with 'cup of java', banana and some times cheesy bagel/cream cheese... then it's been chip and guacamole which isn't bad but not on going... doesn't help eating a burrito (chile colorado) with Mexican rice plus a side of chips and guacamole... then there was the medium pizza I almost ate in one sitting... not good... got to get a handle on it before 'Faith' fucks me... I'm going to get 'Faith' on my side on this even if I have to fuck her... damn it does anyone know what 'Faith' looks like? I remember that 'Faith' also hangs in 
out in bars too... something to do amounts of alcohol, time equals rating her looks... lots of alochol, time getting close to closing equals her rating numbers going up in her looks.

Fitting into a size smaller somewhat.

First about the wienie dog pic in blog... yup it's true I have thought that these kinds of dogs do look like walking hot dogs... now that I've pissed off people who own these type of dogs all I can say is mustard, pickles & sauerkraut (yuuuummmmiiieee)... fuck now I'm craving hot dogs and PINKS is to far away to hop in car to go get some 'dogs'... Now on with it... I got up this morning not to the sunshine coming through the window but to the sound of a lot of different noise!... well at lease it wasn't the cops pounding on the front doo--(whaaaaattt that's never- you can ask my lawyer-I mean my neighbor)... I tired to stay in bed as long as I could when I couldn't hide anymore under the covers... I got up made my bed (it's a mommy issue-or more like the fear my mommy instilled in me)... got dressed... I got to ask you guys and gals when getting dress do you put your socks on first then your shorts/pants (in some case pantie/boxer/tightee white-ees//thong/g-string/ bra/ undershirt)... dressing from the bottom up or from the top down?...
shoes always being last thing on?... now here is the pleasant surprise I was not expecting... when putting on my 'fatman' shorts (Levi's style)... they seem looser than I realized... I mean I had a little more room  or comfort zone in them... so on a lark I took out the next size down (which at one time I fit in very comfortably before-you know hanging on to you'll fit into those again some day soon I hope)... I reluctantly put on the smaller size shorts... I wasn't expecting what happened next... now here is where the truth comes out... I mean it's one thing to step into them, have them fit without zipping and buttoning them up and say 'hey making proguess'... it's another thing when you can zip & buttoned them up... okay they where a bit tight or almost uncomfortably tight... alright my gut did seem to hang a bit like it use to when I had a hard time fitting into my 'fatman' shorts... now for an old fat guy getting into a pair of smaller size shorts... I'd be do the 'happy dance'... I didn't for fear of ripping my shorts... and for the fact that I had to take shorter breathes (small details-nothing to worries about-breathing is so over rated) now that I was felt better about myself... 
I got on my 'go green' vehicle, got my very old Mac PowerBook 17" laptop tossed it into the basket I had mounted on the back end of cruiser and then pedaled my ass off to local Starbucks... but I had one stop to make first before getting there... I went to a place called 'Sweet & Savory'  was craving something with Cinnamon in it or on it... yeah I got coffee pastry... then continued my commute to local Starbucks. Where the only thing I ordered was 'my first cup of the day'... nope no Voodoo Witch Barista or Pumpkin to make me a hex concoction or 'cup of lovin'... the only ones there where BaahBaah Barista on the cauldron machine... I facebook Everything Barista at the register taking orders... I noticed that everyone was on their best behavior... wonder if that had anything to do with the district manager sitting at one of my writer's spot (damn her hide!) come to think about it all the spots that I tend to stakeout for writing where taken... simple put I took my laptop for a ride... after enjoying my cup of java and Cinnamon coffee pastry... doing some twitting, facebook and playing 'Angry Birds of Rio' (damn you! damn you! I say! I blame all those porn stars that play and tweeted about playing this iPhone game!)... got a second cup of java then pedaled my ass back to flop... mind you I was wearing the smaller size shorts during this time... okay so my face was a bit shade blue but hey! I fit into a smaller sized from what I have been wearing...  there will be a time when I post real pics of me... when all said and done (nope these guts pics are not mine... stunt gut pics)... longing for the time when a sexy hot MILF checks me out... or at lease her seeing eyes dog

more 'go green' vehicle around town.

This tale starts on Friday afternoon when I notice my 'go green' vehicle need some attention. Yup... it's true that bicycles do need to be tuned up just like anything else. Now how do you get a 'go green' vehicle to the shop when it needs a tuneup? It's not like you can get a tow truck to come out and tow your 'go green' vehicle. Nor can you I throw it into the trunk of car when the trunk is the size of two suitcases... but I dig my 'soccer mom car' (that's what the guys at work call it when they see it because I don't drive a hick-mobile-pickup truck)... another way to get it to the service shop would be ride it there then walk to where ever I wanted to go after that or double back to my flop to pick up the other 'go green' vehicle I have... what to do... I did what I would have done when I was younger... (I know your asking yourself what's that-you're not-that hurts)... when you have two bikes to ride at the same time... (I wasn't going to double back walking)... you ride one while holding onto the handle bars with one hand on the other... call it bike in tandem or bike towing bike...  I got both bikes over to the shop without crashing or dumping the unmanned bike in tow... which when doing can go bad very fast... there is nothing like crashing into an unmanned bike and having both of them land on top of you... I got to the shop without incident... left the cruiser for it's first tuneup... then jump back on to the speedster and pedaled my ass off to do some errands... where I ended up at local Starbucks... as I pedaled my ass around the little city I see that there are more people going 'go green'... its kind of cool to see...  I wish I would see more hot MILFS riding 'go green' vehicles around the little city I live in...

I got to local Starbucks to find even more 'go green' vehicles parked out front or chained to a one of the trees... or when I'm sitting there watching people pass by the windows riding 'go green' vehicles... So this weekend I spent pedaling my 'go green' vehicles back and forth to local Starbucks plus other places... I pedaled my ass over to local Starbucks every-(how do you defined morning?-I though so)-day to get my 'first cup of the day' with banana, cheesy bagel/cream cheese as well... hung out for a bit got a second cup of java did some writing on script I've been working on... then I would head back to flop...  do some more writing on script I've been working on...  then it was get some dinner again from local places around the little city I live in... both nights of the weekend I had Mexican from the same place and I didn't plan it... does anyone remember when I wrote a good way to know a good Mexican Taco house is by the chips and guacamole?... well I found a  place that does make chips and guacamole homemade style... very tasty... if you do get a chance try 'EL BUKANA' in Covina... now to the part where I have to pick up my cruiser from the 'go green' service shop this (what turned out to be morning for me-around two in the afternoon) Monday... this time I didn't want to have two bikes to get moved around... no I wasn't going to do the bike tow unmanned bike all over town... I WALKED to the local service shop that is really at the end of my street... very nice... I got to the shop well they where just finishing up the tuneup on it... I even made them to some cosmetics to my 'go green' vehicle... well waiting for it to be finished up I tweeted with pics of said shop... when they brought it out I looked it over to give it the thumbs up... I hopped on it and pedaled my ass off to do some more errands then off to local Starbucks...

as I pedaled up to local Starbucks there was another guy who had his new 'go green' vehicle that he is now using to get around and commute to local Starbucks... he has a cool looking ride... we chatted a bit about 'go green' vehicles and the different 'add-ons' you can get for them or have made up for them... after chatting and see other people pedaling about I headed in to be greeted by Voodoo Witch Barista with her pack... BaahBaah Barista, the New Guy Barista... where I got that what's now is becoming a special cup of java from Voodoo Witch Barista...  I got a 'cup of java' with banana, no cheesy bagel today even though Voodoo Witch Barista was taunting me to get one... I stayed strong on not getting one when I wasn't hungry for it... I hung out for a bit teasing both Voodoo Witch Barista and BaahBaah Barista about having 'go green' vehicles and not using them... laughs all around... got back to my flop where I was surprised by UPS with a couple of packages I've been waiting for... tonight's meal so far was leftover homemade style chips and guacamole from last night... yummm yumm good... I hope I start seeing more hot MILFS among others out and about on 'go green' pedal vehicles... I mean really would you like to be tailgating something like what you see on the pics I posted on this rant?... if there where more of this out there (hot milfs riding 'go green' vehicles) there would be more old fat guys out pedaling their ass around enjoying the view as well as losing weight and getting healthy... 

Bacon Cupcakes-what the fuck

Today's tale is about something I thought I would never try. What's that you ask? (okay you're not asking but raise your fucking hand anyway) Here are some of things I have tried... I've tried 'chicken & waffles' which by the way is good (thanks to the Blues Players of Chi town)... I've tried dried fish which I'm not sure of yet... I've tried coffee that is not made of coffee (don't ask it was some kind of workout hot drink)... I've tried biscuits & gravy (I don't get that one either-I think its a white guy thing) ... I've tried some different drinks or concoction made at local Starbucks that I'm sure I'll do my best to stay away from... but this time once again Voodoo Witch Barista comes up with something I wasn't really searching the world for... Voodoo Witch Barista made this concoction at her very own witch's den... she made (ready for it) "Bacon Cupcakes"... now am I the only one that sees the paradox in this?... Bacon mixed into Cupcakes with maple frosting... the best way to describe the taste is like eating a pancake that has bacon in it covered with maple syrup... I think that this would be something that Southern folk would be all over... or maybe the Mid-West folk... like that biscuit & gravy thing that gets them all a twitter (no not the "this is what the fucking I'm doing right now that no one really cares about" web site)... now when I was little guy my mother would do things like cook a pancake with a strip bacon down the middle of it (note-pre cook bacon before putting it in the middle of a pancake)... or added chocolate chips maybe banana or even nuts... then again my mother would do the same for cupcakes but never with bacon... to me this Bacon Cupcake would be a food junky's dream... I mean you have bacon which is high in grease... then you have cake which is full of sugar plus add the maple frosting double sugar... It's a HOMER high!!! As for me I can say I've tried it but I won't be searching 7-11 or Supermarkets in the Hostess Cupcake aisle for it... or in the pastry case at local Starbucks... I think Bacon Cupcakes is more for the Homer or Souther folk or Mid-West folk or just White folk thing... then again what do I know, I'm a West Coast guy... we don't do folk. 

New place for Mexican Food for me at lease "El Matador"

Today was a bit of a bore. Not much was going on, my fake chaos was over from yesterday with the bank and my chaos schedule for today was blank. Nope it was a day of pedal my ass over to local Starbucks. Yup I got back to 'go green' again, today was a nice day for it. I took my very old Mac PowerBook G4 laptop for a ride as well. The thought of having my little spot for writing while watching the people go by or come in for a cup. As usual well made plans go a rye or better written 'hell in a hand-basket'. When I got to Starbucks I discovered that my little spot was taken by, how can I say this 'pc'; by two very plus size women (street term-two old fat chicks) and they weren't going to budge. So I sat at the counter with my very old Mac PowerBook G4 laptop never to take it out of its 'satchel'. I went to order my 'first cup of the day' from BaahBaah Barista, no banana this time for I brought one with me from the last time I was there. After doctoring up my java, I sat down took out my iPhone, where I perused twitter and facebook. While enjoying my cup of java I even did some bidding and listing of DC comic book statues on eBay. I also was able to view the 'chicas' along with the MILFs come and go with their coffee drinks or tea. I was helpless in the way of having a spot to write near a plug for my very old Mac PowerBook G4 laptop. Another tell tale sign of my laptop being old is that the battery doesn't last very long, about 45 minutes at best. Not really doing anything but checking out the Porn Star pics on twitter and reading about Government shut down from news bloggers. As time floated along, the two old fat chicks aren't moving from my little spot (I mean they where camped out to stay) it was time for a second cup of java without the cheesy bagel/cream cheese. While I was 'managing' my eBay in comes Voodoo Witch Barista with little Hoodoo Voodoo. We sat, we laugh, never to cry, drank our different coffee drinks while little Hoodoo Voodoo mocked those around her. A little while later I gave up on my little spot for writing, visited with some other costumers then headed out, pedaling my ass back to my flop. This time I got hungry a bit earlier than usual. I decided to try someplace new for me, "EL MATADOR", here is the secret if a Mexican restaurant is any good, Chip & guacamole. If the chip and guacamole are 'handmade' then it's stands a good chance the rest of the menu is good as well. I got an all meat carnitas with avocado and cheese wet along with handmade guacamole & chips. I was stuffed and still stuffed, both items where tasty. I do recommend 'El MATADOR' for home style Mexican food.

This last picture is dessert, better known as 'eye candy'.

Monopoly's Chance Card-Bank Error talk to Bank Manager-don't collect $200.

Today was the usual stuff of trying to stay in bed after my brain was wide awake. Then it dawn on me that I had to run to the bank after drawing the Monopoly card 'take a chance'; you know the card that says "bank error, talk to the Bank Manager"; no you don't get to collect $200 dollars (roll the dice-fuck up). Once again, in a rush to get out the door (at lease in my mind), I had to leave the bike (the pedal kind) at home and take the car (doing my best to help out Big Oil). I wasted more gas doing the 'run-a-round' dance with the car from bank to bank to bank then back to the first bank (are you with me so far?). When all said and done there was no error, there was no collecting $200 dollars, there was no rolling of the dice. After the fake chaos I was wanting java, bad. I took the short drive from the bank to local Starbucks (using up the juice of one small dinosaur). Once in Starbucks I set up my very old Mac PowerBook G4 17" laptop in the usual spot. BaahBaah Barista was working the register which meant I had to make my order simple. I got my 'first cup of the day' with a banana. While getting my iPhone 'work' Calendar to sync with my very old Mac PowerBook G4 17" laptop Calender; I enjoyed my cup of java and banana. After getting the Calendars to aline, I caught up on Twitter and facebook when I realize that 'I facebook Everything' Barista was working the cauldron and facebooking at the same time. Being only maybe ten feet away from her we communicated via facebook (odd-very odd); rounding off the cast was the New Kid Barista (guy-got to come up with a better name). I began working on my neglected script, working title 'assassin'. By this time I was ready for a second 'cup of java' with cheesy bagel/cream cheese (once again making it simple for BaahBaah Barista at the register). While enjoying my second 'cup of java' I finished up a scene on the script. When low-n-behold in comes Voodoo Witch Barista, who was early to work.
Side note here-do you know how hard it is to get rid of a box of micro-wave popcorn? 
(don't ask--mistake from a bad idea dealing with Jiffy Pop popcorn). 
I chatted with Voodoo Witch Barista on many different subjects (which none had any baring on the outcome of the world). Then it happened again where I end up sharing my little writing spot with another (one day I'm going to be rude to whoever comes up asking to share my little writing spot-is fuck off to rude?). I giggled, I chuckled, I joked, then it was time for me to get the hell out of Dodge (old saying for 'you got to go'-why they use the city name of Dodge I have no fucking clue). Except Voodoo Witch Barista bushwhacked me before I got out the door with a java hex concoction. I got back to my flop, to find a note from UPS. They where trying to deliver my new comic book female character statue, THE BLACK CAT from Spider-Man. So it was off to UPS to pick up my delivery. Now I'm back at the flop relaxing, multi-tasking, watching old Black & White movies on TCM, writing my blog, checking e-mails and every now and then gazing at my new BLACK CAT statue.  

A high CARB night! (not the smartest thing to do)

Yesterday after I slept in, I got up, got ready then took the car to do my errands. I would have sworn it was going to thunder & lighting with a down pour of rain. It was cool enough to wear a hoodie at mid-day. I finally landed at the local Starbucks where I got my 'first cup of the day', banana (which I brought back to my flop) and nope on the cheesy bagel/cream cheese. After enjoying my two cups while joking around with other customers and baristas I came back to my flop. I did some cleaning like maid on crack which got me hungry. Last night for my late meal I ordered up spaghetti with sausages, oh and no I didn't forget the garlic bread, a real carb high. I should have stop there but noooo I press on. I made Jiffy Pop popcorn... I gotta write, that when I was young I guess I don't really care about the lingering aftertaste. I was more taken by how in the fuck can a small pan expand into this mushroom of foil ready to eat popcorn. I guess when I was young I really didn't care that they use industrial strength cooking oil that could lube a jet engine for life or preservative that would make it last beyond a nuclear fallout. The tricky part, when I was young was not to burn it beyond eatable recognition. Well, last night I followed the instructions which is a first for MAN and no it wasn't done in Stick People drawings, you had to read. I moved it around-across-back & forth over the burner only to be fooled by it; because it took longer than what the instructions state it would take for it to begin popping. But once that industrial oil got hot enough, it pop like 'a cat on a hot tin roof'. Now that I'm older I took care in opening the foil, instead of my younger-self where I would rip it open with my bare hands only to be rewarded with a 'heat blast' to the face. I used a knife to make the first tear, call me chicken but I can live without the 'heat blast' to the face. Discovering that I didn't burn it, I then used my hands to finish tearing open the foil. While watching the last 
Princess movie from Disney I could feel whatever industrial oil and preservative they use coating my tongue. When I got to the bottom in the Jiffy popping pan, I found solidified chunks of popcorn and chemical with a very bad aftertaste. Even after brushing my teeth the aftertaste remained. The aftertaste didn't even diminish after brushing my teeth when I got up. It wasn't until pedaled my ass over to local Starbucks, where Voodoo Witch Barista made me a concoction of java and potions that finally got rid of the aftertaste of Jiffy Pop popcorn. This part is where I have to eat some words and admit THANKS to Voodoo Witch Barista. As for tonight's late meal is going to be something simple, maybe a burrito from a new 'taco place' here in town. I'll let you know how it goes.