to start off I'm giving a nod to several baristas that this tale could be about... Voodoo Witch Barista-I'm Not That Of Girl-Caveman Woman-I Could Be A Centerfold-60s Tie Dye Barista... I'm not sorry to the others such as BaahBaah or I facebook Everything or Little One or My Fucking Knee Acting Up Again Barista reason for my own... let me start this tale when I was... how can I put this... I know... when I was of the age of cougar bait... many many many moons ago when the moon was high and the earth was young... I was entering my cougar bait years (you can't google it... it's a calendar thing)... I was employed by an airline which allowed me to travel to many cougar hunting grounds... this tale took place in a far land near the metal birds nesting area where metal bird watches spotted 737s, 727s, the extinct L1011s, DC10s and the world traveler 747s... LAX... the cougar in this tale was 32 moons... she was out for her first hunt and I was her first prey... she toyed with me like a
cat holding a piece of cheese on a string and I was the mouse... she was 
taught how to make me jump through hoops that I didn't even know I was jumping through... she played me like a toy fiddle... I enjoyed every minute of it... the best part being a hunting by a cougar is the hot out of control fucking!!!(oh fucking grow up)... I can't put my finger on it but for some reason when a cougar is in heat (which is most of the time) she on the hunt... and when she hunting she looking for prey that will fulfill her horny hunger... meaning she wants to be fuck like she's never been fucked before and she not getting it from prey around her own age... it seems that cougars think most prey around their age are pretty set in they're sex-ways (ie watching sports while drinking beer rather than watch a cougar do a striptease)(I know that there are some cougars that shouldn't do stripteases)... before she cast me out like yesterday's newspaper I ask... no I begged her to show me how a cougar hunts it's prey... she told me to notice what style of clothes they wear... it seems that clothing tells a lot about a cougar's habitat (what side of the tracks she comes from-there are trailer trash cougars out there)... she pointed out how a cougar stocks it's prey without it knowing it... she told me to notice how a cougar plays with it's prey... she also show me how a cougar when it's made up it's mind how she pounces on it's prey and fends off other cougars... this enabled me to become a cougar hunter... so I told this knowledge with me on great hunts across the land using the big metal birds that migrate across the lands... the hunting was good... 
now I sit at the corner of the bar (wish it was a Tiki Bar or Tiki Lounge) and watch cougars play with their prey... and laugh at the prey when they think they have the upper hand (they don't if the cougar is wroth her salt in weight)... moral to this tale is if you are a young cub wanting to be a worthy cougar... learn from the best one you can find... I know they are hard to find but they're out there... you just have to go to there hunting grounds... unfortunately 3 Vinos in my area is not where you're going to find a 'vintage (better word for find) cougar' to hunt... sometime later I'll write about my cougar safaris... (sound effects of a cork popping out of a old vintage tequila bottle-sound effects of tequila pouring into rocks glass with ice)... aaaahhhh.
Now this is a Tequila Bottle is it no wonder why cougars (women) enjoy a good shot! If not just think of how much fun they could have with an empty bottle!
