In the eyes of the beholder

someone has been waiting for this post... well lets not disappoint now shall we... it's for Voodoo Witch Barista at the local Coffee Cave... as you if you been keeping up with these rambling that I use to post often about the Baristas at the local Coffee Cave... when you have my work schedule (which at times is nonexistent)... I would/still hang out at the local Coffee Cave... I believe term you yelling at me right as you read this is "a regular"... now I have heard many tales of what is at the local Coffee Cave and wrote about a small few of them... this time is no different... first off I don't know if its the season or the meds chased with alcohol that is causing me to take a less sarcastic view... let me get into what this is suppose to be about... Voodoo Witch Barista was going on about 909er (which is a guy she hangs/teases)... I would seat at my spot at the counter, listen to the tales of events that would happened... them I would go off to write a post/blog... (moving forward) couple of times I would happen in to the Coffee Cave Voodoo Witch Barista would tell me that I just missed seeing who 909er usually the following visit because it seem that he would  visit her after I've already dash thru... well this time luck was hanging around at the same time I was in... Voodoo Witch Barista was being a little bubbly... she blurted out that 909er is coming to visit her... and sure enough readers... as on clue... he comes in... Voodoo Witch Barista was grinning like I've never seen before (a bit scary)... now here is where I make a left turn where usually I would go right (right for the throat)... there is an old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"... now before you race off to find an old guy to find out what this means... here it is in simple terms... for everyone of us there is a like or look that gets us "going" (turn on, um baby, makes me hot, I'm moist, tongue hanging out of mouth or just "WOW')... now I'm a shallow guy... I may not see what she sees... that's the beholder part... would I go after 909er/bro if I was a female?... no but then I'm not her... all I could tell from what I could see is that Voodoo Witch Barista was enjoying being with him... now there are a few other Baristas at the Coffee Cave that found someone... like... "I'm Not That Kind Of Girl" Barista, who's found her (these are her words not mine) Clark Kent (I've met him nice guy-but I don't see the Clark Kent reference then I'm not looking thru her eyes)... then there is "Little One" Barista... she too has found someone... now to me he fits her... he makes her happy and they want to be with eachother as much as they possibly can... which great... then there is "I Wish The 60's Where Still Here" Barista... she is one of the coolest... I tip my hat to her... doesn't care what others think or say... she is what they call an "older" (means she loves/lust an older man)... the newer barista I don't know that much yet but then the seat at the counter beckons for me to learn more... as for the males barista I sure they have their stories but guys don't usually bubble over about unless we're broken or one drink away from drunk... as for me... I can't even get a dog (four legged kind-remember I'm shallow) no seriously I can't... the landlady won't let me--- 
aloha

Stupid Guy things when we don't listen to the woman we are with or want to be with... here is one example of a guy thinking he knows better... you hint around trying to find out if "she" like current things... (i.e. this is how it usual goes down) hey (as he rubs his nose) what do you thing (his mind is on hanging out with the guys to watch the game) about flowers... she takes a moment to answer making eye contact with you to make sure you're listening to her... (but your head is somewhere else like who's playing this weekend... I've got 20 bucks in a football pool) in other words your eyes are glassed over but see really can't tell because you look like that all the time... (her answer) I don't like flowers because they die... what you hear is "like" & "flowers"... now here is when you get into deep shit because did something to piss her off so you think I'll do something to get myself out of the hole I just dug... like... I know send her flowers... because the only thing your one brain cell could remember was "like" & "flowers"... so you excerpt yourself by leaning forward on the couch to pick up your cell... if it wasn't for the "800-flowers" commercial you just saw durning the football game you wouldn't know where to go... when you get the flower guy on the phone and he ask you what type of arrangement you want... once again your eyes glass over... (you say) I don't know a bunch of flower... (flower guy) what price range?... (you say-after checking your beer money) twenty bucks or so... (flower guy-laughing) got it... you hang up thinking you got it covered... the next time you see her you'll wondering why she's throwing the cheap arrangement at your head... moral of this tale---listen---be creative---and flowers do die... I should know I gave a ton of them over the years... and I would rather give something creative than flowers... DUCK-- aloha 

Stewardess sounds so much sexier!

finally feeling better, even the beer tasted good this afternoon, been zoning watching TV when I should have been working on script, now about to time travel back to the 1960s when airlines had stewardess (sounds and reads sexy) instead of flight attendant (which reads and sounds blah flat plane), how miss Pan American the one airline I wish I could have worked for back in the day.... aloha or should I write... come fly with me!!!

Wanting To Stare At The Inside Of My Eyelids

How''s your day? Hold on a fucking minute before you answer... it was a rhetorical question... I really don't fucking care... right now its about me and you are not me... before you go off boo-hoo-ing into the corner or run off to tell mommy you little shit weasel... but this blog is about me not you so get over it... if I was gonna write about you I would have your name on it... now here is what's going on... Friday I worked on the Zip Code show (didn't you see the pictures? what you thought I photo shop them or something?) unlike most of you I did a 14 hour plus day (yup that's normal for production on TV show)… now this is where you show your parents you where awake in school... make'um proud... (dumb shit)... I started my work day on Friday at 1 p.m.... (okay who here can do the math?)... my work day ended at 4 a.m. on Saturday morning... (while all you little darling where tucked into your beds asleep-if you where in bed not sleeping-then why ain't you blogging about!!!)... 

by the time I got home and it was about an hour later, because some asshole forgot to tell me that they where working on the freeway all night and that all but one damn lane was open from downtown to where I exit the freeway!!!... do you know how hard it is for drunk drives to change lanes and then stay in that lane?!!!... it was about 5a.m. when I got off the fucking freeway (I wish I got off doing something else-think about it-you're fucking hopeless)... I pull up to my flop house... drag my ass out of the car... stumble up stairs... head straight for a hot shower... as of yet that was the highlight of my day so far... the scowling hot water relaxed my tense muscle... after the shower I stared at my bed but I was in that state where I was too tired to sleep... 

plus a bit if back info my car decided to pull a stunt on me... 




I got a message, little red warning lights from her/car that my brakes where not working & I should use a block wall to stop... now that I threw this into the mix I had to take it to the shop to get looked at... thank the BRAKE GODS it only need a topping off... well my car was getting its top off of brake fluid... 

I was downing cups of java at the local Coffee Cave... 


















after being up for more than 24 hours it was time to try and stare at the inside of my eyelids... I went down hard... but the drag of it all is when I woke up... only to realize that there wasn't a hot MILF laying next to me (damn wet dreams)... 








now my head feels like its in the "TWILIGHT ZONE" (don't know what this is-spend time on the TVLand)... I need some alcohol!!!





here is some more bed candy... may your sheets be dry in the morning...

enjoy your naughty dreams.... aloha...

Cleaning up the red ink

making progress on cleaning up the red ink on my script that I got back from the proofreader, only have about twenty more pages left. Then its to the WGA to register, to US Copyright, then Hollywood Production Companies.

Hot Mess!

It's been awhile since I blog/posted/rant... this is about something that happened to me a few days ago but by the time you guys get around to it... it might be days (what fucking reason do you have for not reading this the moment its uploaded)... here's how it went down... I was working like a dog... okay you got me again a dog doesn't do what I/we have to do or the hours... a dog knows fucking better... I got the call to work with the crew that I have done a lot of movie shit stuff with... I reported to location which was in Long Beach Ca... the rig (hollywood term for job) was to stack 'C' containers (big metal cargo containers that are used for shipping) ten high for a car to dive off of... it so happens that the days we where doing this the temperatures where 100 degrees with no shade to be had... you where sweating before first coffee... there is nothing worst than a bunch of middle age/old guys with man boobs sweat... or sweat running down your brow into your eyes well flying a 'C'-container a 100 feet in the air... time lapsed forward... I was tired dirty sticky from sweating... hair a mess from wearing hardhats in the heat all day (fucking safety rules-piss you off until it says your life)... then there was the rush-hour-traffic commute home (rush and traffic to describe freeway travel-am I the only one that sees the fucking oxymoron here)... when I got off the freeway after spending an hour & half I was wanting a cup of java... I headed for the Coffee Cave... where I'm Not That Kind Of Girl Barista was at the register... her partner in crime Caveman-Woman Barista (these two are how can I write this--fucking joined at the hip-you can't have one without the other)... just as I walked into the Coffee Cave I get this as a greeting from I'm Not That Kind Of Girl Barista, "you're a hot mess" (now remember what I wrote about workday)... normally the baristas are supposed to say "hello" or  "welcome to the Coffee Cave can I help you?"... now you would think hearing "you're a hot mess" would mean that 'fuck guy I want to do you right here on the fucking counter' or 'damn you are fine man-eye-candy' or 'you're making my panties moist'... but nooooo fucking way... what an ego buster that was... and sure enough her sidekick jumped into say the same thing more or less... now this wasn't said in low tone of voice but rather in aloud tone where they could hear them both way back in the back of the Coffee Cave... yup the java drinks all got up to see what a 'hot mess' looks like... and know they know it looks like me... oh fuck joy... the only thing I came back with is "I take it you don't mean it in a sex way"... think about it... after having long hot fucking sweaty sex that you don't say I'm a 'hot mess' or you look at your just fucked partner and say you look like a 'hot mess' with a big grin on your face... like you just accomplished the unaccomplishable... needless to write I got my java, doctored it up the way I like it... made a few more comments and left... 
I really needed to visit my shower... what can I say... I'm Not That Kind Of Girl Barista was right... I was a 'hot mess'... looking forward to the time when I hear that from a hot MILF after we had 'long hot fucking sex'... 
till next time aloha

THE MAN WHO CHANGED THE WORLD!!!

It is a dark day for those of us who are Apple/Mac users... believers... geeks... followers... The one man who did make a difference in our lives our world... We the world will miss you Steve... 
Vaya Con Dios

National Coffee Day!

What the fuck? Why do I have to read/hear second hand that today this day is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Why didn't my Starbucks app not tell me that today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Why isn't it marked on the Calendars of the worlds that today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Why didn't Apple App Store not have an app for 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! They got an app for everything else... what can be more important than knowing that today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'!!! Damn I need to have another cup of java to celebrate 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'!!! Where are the HallMarkCards for 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Hey have you heard or read today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'? If not go to your local Coffee Cave and have a cup of java to celebrate 'National Coffee Day'... enjoy aloha

When drinking at local Tiki Bar on the beach in the islands

Rule #86-when drinking at the local Tiki Bar on the beach in the islands-when ordering Mia Tia/Singapore Sling/Blue Hawaii/Planter's Punch in souvenir glass DO NOT try to speak pigeon (because you'll probably end up saying something offensive)-

when getting your souvenir glass don't toast the waiter/waitress/bartender "HERE TA BRA' (because you'll only get laugh at)-

when getting drunk in the Tiki Bar don't strip off your tourist matching outfit to jump up on the stage shaking your ass trying to hula (haoles can't shake their ass like the wahines)-








when drunk in the Tiki Bar from drinking out of your souvenir glasses don't get up to try to karaoke 'TINY BUBBLES'-





when getting thrown out of Tiki Bar don't tuck souvenir glasses into your top you might landed on them-when local PD shows up to arrest you don't yell out 'I'm American Citizen' (hey dumb-ass Hawaii been a state since 1959)-when being arrested don't bribe the local PD with 'American Traveler's Checks' (the laughter you'll be hearing when your head is being slammed to the hoop of car will be the Cops)-when being tossed into the backseat of cop car don't drunk tweet/text 'I'm being busted by five-0 (it's not easy to text with your hand cuffed behind your back)-when being tossed into the cell don't puke your guts out on the only cot in the cell (you're going to have to sleep on it)-when getting release from jail don't tell the desk sergeant you had better room service from the local hooker motel down the street-when getting back your personals from desk sergeant don't ask for your collection of souvenir glasses-when going back to the local Tiki Bar on the beach the next day don't say 'Hey remember me!'... 
aloha

When at a Luau

Tip #2 for Voodoo Witch Barista's time in the islands... when at a luau for haole (whitey) tourist... reminder (a) poi always goes with pork (not bacon) to be eaten with your fingers... 

reminder (b) the Mia Tais will get you drink real fast when served in a pitcher so you will do stupid things like put on a grass skirt and coconut shell top and try your best to shake your grass to the sounds of the island drums...










reminder (c) when putting on said grass skirt to shake when drunk to be wearing panties or thong so as not to show the rest of the haoles your hidden grass or bare patch... 

reminder (d) most luaus are for the enjoyment of the locals to see how haoles act like fools (Mia Tias or not)... 

reminder (e) always tip your waitress or waiter there is no currency exchange a buck is a buck...

















aloha

The Hex of Little Voodoo Hoodoo & Voodoo Witch & Chocolate!

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