negative = negative unless you're doing new math or tick-tock-tick-tock

let me start this tale on what was on the calendar for me today... I had to go to the taxman to 

do my taxes for last year or is it this year for last year or is it do taxes this year for last year... you get idea... I was suppose to be in Magic Mountain Town by 11:30 am... which means I have to get my ass up out of bed by 9:30 am... this should be no problem right... right?... not so fast my little speedster... you ever wonder why they put snooze buttons on alarms?... it's for people like us (what us kemosabe?)(okay me)... I think the snooze button is there to see how long you can procrastinate before you have to jump out of bed and run around like a mad-man trying to fit in making the bed-taking a shower-drying off-getting dressed-comb one's hair (if you still got hair)-brush your teeth-then dash out the door hoping you got everything you need... like the fucking car keys or key... now this is where the fun part is for a procrastinator... get it all done in six minutes or less after hitting the snooze button more than say fifteen time at 6 minute intervals... I mean anyone can get up early enough to do all this without rushing around but 

where is the fun in that?... that is the first of negative here is the next negative... I have this habit I can't start the day without my 'first cup of the day'... but here is the second challenge... you are out the door with 55 minutes on the clock... now take into mind you got to be at Magic Mountain Town at 11:30 am... you should have dash out the door by 10:25 am... it takes you from where your crack house is to Magic Mountain Town about 50 minutes if you drive by the rules and laws of psychics... lets dash back to our tale... here's what happens next... remember it takes 50 minutes to get where you need to be and you have only 55 minutes on the clock and it's ticking tocking away... got to hit bank and I don't mean the ATM... go inside and withdraw some cash to pay taxman (did I mention that the car is almost running on empty?-my bad).. get some cash to put gas in the tank... this normally would take about say 10 minutes, because there would be an old woman checking on her bank account to make sure none of her money didn't escape during the night... it takes about 9 minutes off the clock to get in & out of bank (got lucky there was only one blue haired lady in bank)... next it's off to yup you got it... local Starbucks where you see that there is a line forming inside... park the car at the green curb (look it up)... jail walk across the street and join others that are rushing through the door to get in line... now why is it there is always a fucking newbie that never been to a Starbucks in there life is at the head of the line, gawking at the menu wondering what to fucking order... oh did I also bring up there is only one barista handing the register?... now you are third in line... the couple in front of you (not that they are a couple in a relationship way) are wondering from the line to the 'everything you see in the display cases is damn fattening!!! then back into line so they too can stare at the menu like a deer in the headlights... take 13 minutes off the clock... before you can order your cup of java... wait for it... here's the rub... it's brewing and has 4 minutes to go... #FUCK!... upside you know the baristas working at the time... so they can of help you get out the door... but here is another negative... you know have 

pissed off the newbie customer because you got your 

cup of java before she got her double capa mocha 

carmel latte and she been waiting two more minutes than you have... which by the way I could feel her negativity pulsing off her (she was raging at barista for giving out coffee to others before she got hers and demanding to see the boss)... remember to grab your banana for the drive as well... all said and done take a total of 15 minutes off the clock... back into the car feeling newbies negative vibe... now remember you got one more stop before freeway... gas for the car... take 6 minutes off the clock because you had to get the attendant attention in order to pay her cash for the gas & pump it... back into car only to be involved in what I call the MEXICAN traveling roadblock and nope you don't have to be Mexican to play... what would only take about 3 minutes from gas station to get to freeway now is taking you 6 minutes...  as you get on the free notice time you have left to get there... now you

are in the negative... meaning no matter how fast you go or how much you want to turn your car into a time machine you're going to be late... what do you do?... call and lie... say traffic is heavy... while you are driving at better than 65 miles per hour... more in the 8s (that would be 8 in front of other number you desire next to 8)... when you get to said taxman you are now more than 30 minutes late... upside of all this got taxes done... upside didn't have to pay any additional taxes... downside cost over four bills to get taxes done... downside getting small return... downside got to drive home in afternoon traffic of those who get off work around 2 pm... upside stop off at local Starbucks for the second cup of java and listen to funny stories from the baristas... moral of tale... get a faster car/time machine say like a new 911 Porsche...

Can fit in smaller size-why is gut still hanging over belt?

over the last few days I've been noticing that I had been using the last notch on my fat man belt... why do I call it my fat man belt... because the regular belt I had, wore out some time ago, that meant I had to go buy a new one... it's never flattering when you go into a store say like a JCPs or Kohl's... one step above Wally Mart or Target I have a hard time making myself step into them... I get this creepy feeling when ever pull into the parking lot of any of these stores... the kind of shoppers that go to Wally Mart or Target could be better describe as 909ers (thanks to Voodoo Witch Barista for the term) or trailer trash... the kind of shopper that goes to JCP or Kohl's is one step up... meaning they have a house but the yard needs attending, you'll find several run down cars sitting on blocks and empty cheap beer cans scatter on the porch... yup you surmised it right I am shallow...  but to be fair about the whole thing that doesn't mean Macy's is any better... I bought a belt from them awhile back thatwas some what price with a well know brand only to have it fall apart in a few months 

(it was cheaply made-over priced-it was shit-I didn't know leather felt or looked like cardboard filler-thanks China)... this time I wanted a brand name that I could depend on... Levi Strauss... but all of the Miller's Outpost are gone... Gap dropped them to carrier there own brand name made by small children in South America... that meant I had no choice but to go to a department store like Kohl's... once inside and getting over the eeb-bee gee-bees I found a rack of real leather made belts by Levi's with this tag-'echo en Mexico'... so I know it was made with real leather... now the part that made me want to start my quest to getting down to my porn weight... the rack of belts ranged sizes from 'I'm so damn skinny that when turn side ways my cock makes me look like a zipper pulled down' to it took a whole cowhide to make one belt to go around a fat guys gut'... odd enough there where plenty in those sized but hardly any in the size I wanted... in the size I wanted it was only ugly patterns that no guy would dare buy... I took one off the rack to try it for size... now here is how most guys try on belts or anything for that matter... we don't go running off to the 'fitting rooms'... we don't take off the old one or if not wearing one we don't loop it through waistband... a guy simply wraps it around his waist and if it seems to lap over to the second or middle notch-we do 'guy fit' (trying on without trying on-holding it to you to see if it fits or wrap it around you to see if it fits-guy fitting) and if it measure up, 'it's a go' for buy... as I was 'guy fit' when I found out that the size I usually wear/wanted didn't seem to 'guy fit'... I'm not about to get a belt where I have to use the very first notch... I would look like a backwards hick (that always wins over the hot nasty MILFS)... 

so begrudgingly I took the next size bigger... I did the 'guy fit' this time it lap over to the middle notch so I bought it... this is what started me on the path to dropping weight... know the part that's got me puzzled is I'm wearing my fat man belt on it's last notch, wearing a trimmer fit on my Levi shorts (meaning not the baggy loose fit that lies to you about what your real size is) and in some instant I'm wearing a size down which is good... but why is my gut still hanging over? what's with that? my weight is still in flux but dropping (not as fast as I want it too) and there are times when I feel I'm not dropping weight at all but seem to be gaining which my clothes seem to be contradicting... I will admit to giving in, to craving... need to stop eating when feeling full even though I've cut down on portions... I'm to the point of going to a 'fat doctor' to check into getting any new pharmaceutical drug that helps drop weight to help with my cause... oh phen-phen how I miss you so... the only weight lost drug that really worked for me... damn stupid people for miss using it!!! well that's it for now more to come and more often now that I'm getting back on track of getting down to my porn weight... Oh and a big thanks to--- 
'I'm Not That Kind Of Girl' Barista for those words that rang out so true... she help me without even knowing it... I have been in the habit of getting a banana with my first cup of Java (which is a good thing) on my second cup of java I would get a cheesy bagel with two creamy cheeses if I wanted or not (which is bad) when hang out at local Starbucks... her words where while I was having my second cup of java, "hey tubby you want your cheesy bagel with cream cheese that'll make you fatter---now"?

use to be call for work now is text for work

got the text to work on CSI NY for prepping stages at CBS Studios or striking at Paramount's backlot... pix of what is going on behind the scenes will follow... with any luck it will only be a half of a day call (half of a day call meaning work the first damn twelve hours of the day) gotta get up at the butt crack of dawn, hit local Starbucks (poor baristas gotta get up way before the butt crack of dawn) for that 'first cup of the day' on the way out... oh boy I get to enjoy 'cup of java' on commute to work... fucking traffic should be light at that time of morning... hey 'I Could Be A Centerfold' Barista please have the 'bold' ready (request for Gold Coast)... maybe even a cheesy bagel with creamy cheese... and a hug to start the day from 'I Could Be A Centerfold' Barista...

 Oh Voodoo Witch Barista if you are working the late shift tomorrow I'll see you then for either a cold lemonade or the 'last cup of the day'... where you can rib me some more on me getting my cruzer stolen... upside I get to buy a new improved cruzer to pedal my ass around town or at work (studio lots)... I'm thinking of a royal blue with red fenders or royal blue with black fenders and matching handlebars...

 adios~aloha for now Ol' Guy

the over do update with better pix that was posted on facebook

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trailer trash birthday party

once again its time to write a ditty about Voodoo Witch Barista... problem this time was finding the right pic to complement this tale... coming up fast is Voodoo Witch's birthday where she will turn of age... what does this mean I don't have a fucking clue... it could mean that her hex powers get stronger or last longer... no one will know for sure... I do know that she is wanting is 'trailer trash' birthday party at a local dive bar (no name will be give-but dog comes to light)... why is she wanting a trailer trash birthday party?... mostly its for her amusement... she enjoys pulling strings on unexpected subjects, like her new toy a Bro... slingo definition: bro meaning white trash male from the 909 area code... back in the day we just called them 'rednecks', inbreeders, sister or cousin daters, gomers, hick, yokel, hayseed and one of my fav... yahoo... you could say Voodoo Witch is like thelittle kid who gets

a kick out of tormenting butterflies for no reason at all... a few things I've over heard about this trailer trash birthday party is that she has put a hex over her fellow baristas to come join her at the trailer trash birthday party... what happens at the time of party will be another posting... ah to be the guy at the back of the bar enjoying a cocktail while watching this train wreck... what I do know about this trailer trash party is that Voodoo Witch has invited two of her playthings... the title I give to one of her little toys will be 909bro... here's where I go off on a tangent-909 females call themselves Bro-hoes (hoe is short for whore-does that mean you gotta pay her up front for a date?)... I don't know about you but the last time I tried calling a female a hoe, I got backhanded across the face... I can say I've call a female a slut but only when having hot meaningless sex... now back to our program already in progress... but before there was a 909bro there was a guy who could make Voodoo Witch bubbly (seeing Voodoo Witch bubble is not for the weak of heart)... I'll call him Singapore-Sling (why you ask? tale for another time) but he's back!!!... which did have effect on Voodoo Witch Barista

because she invited him too... now this is where it's going to be fun... watching 909bro come face to face with Singapore-Sling... I wonder who will be stupid enough to come to blows first... will 909bro have faults courage from consuming large amounts of alcohol?... but what I can bet on is that Voodoo Witch Barista will be sitting back watching the floor show of those she put a hex on, oh and don't forget that there will be large amounts of alcohol involved... lets not for get the other baristas that will be there as well... most of them being female mixed with alcohol and chaos will ensue... this is going to be better than pay-pre-view... of course there will be some ass grabbing, boob groping, macking (empty sex french kissing brought on by alcohol), barista on barista action going on... and that just the female baristas... ah to be the guy at the back of the bar enjoying a cocktail while watching train wreck that is the trailer trash birthday party... have fun Voodoo Witch Barista on your TRAILER PARK BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A DIVE BAR!

Doing Man Chores!

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Fourth Of July

here it is the holiday weekend... it's fucking hot as hell and all the babes (young girls-milfs-porn stars-sluts-whores-909ers) are running to the beach... my question is where are the ones who wear thong bikinis?... where are the topless beaches of California?... why is it okay in Europe but here it's the fucking end of the world?... fuck Puritans and there holier than though attitude... here is a question for all the females here, would you enjoy seeing guys (most American guys are out of shape-beer bellies-gut over the belt-suck it in when a hot babe walks by guys) wear speedos better known as banana hammock, jewel bag, man floss, man thong, male bikini (you get the idea)?... its funny that 'white' people go to the beach... oil up like a shrimp on the Barbi trying to get darker... now here is the part that gets me... some 'white' people don't get darker they only turn a darker shade of white... others get darker than most 

'black' people (for those of you who are fucking 'PC' African/American)... and yet there are some 'white' people that turn red along with their redneck, so why is it we call 'black/Africa/American people colored again?... this is the holiday where you blow
 things up and it's okay... well in some places it is... why is it that people stare up into the night sky to see explosions of multi color sulfur mixed with gunpowder? (thank you Chinese guy who put it all together)... only to make fun sound of Ooooooo Aaaaaaa Wwwwwoooowwww... its also the day where we pretend to know how to cook on the BBQ... turning good food into little chard pieces of carbon... drink cheap beer because you don't want to spring for the good stuff for people you really don't care about... its also the holiday that most guys drink more than they should only to get in trouble with their women folk for staring at single hot babes... it's the holiday that most of the people fell condemned to spend time with family members they don't get along with or want to be around with... so from me to you Happy Fourth Of  July!...

 enjoy the family.