Hot Mess!

It's been awhile since I blog/posted/rant... this is about something that happened to me a few days ago but by the time you guys get around to it... it might be days (what fucking reason do you have for not reading this the moment its uploaded)... here's how it went down... I was working like a dog... okay you got me again a dog doesn't do what I/we have to do or the hours... a dog knows fucking better... I got the call to work with the crew that I have done a lot of movie shit stuff with... I reported to location which was in Long Beach Ca... the rig (hollywood term for job) was to stack 'C' containers (big metal cargo containers that are used for shipping) ten high for a car to dive off of... it so happens that the days we where doing this the temperatures where 100 degrees with no shade to be had... you where sweating before first coffee... there is nothing worst than a bunch of middle age/old guys with man boobs sweat... or sweat running down your brow into your eyes well flying a 'C'-container a 100 feet in the air... time lapsed forward... I was tired dirty sticky from sweating... hair a mess from wearing hardhats in the heat all day (fucking safety rules-piss you off until it says your life)... then there was the rush-hour-traffic commute home (rush and traffic to describe freeway travel-am I the only one that sees the fucking oxymoron here)... when I got off the freeway after spending an hour & half I was wanting a cup of java... I headed for the Coffee Cave... where I'm Not That Kind Of Girl Barista was at the register... her partner in crime Caveman-Woman Barista (these two are how can I write this--fucking joined at the hip-you can't have one without the other)... just as I walked into the Coffee Cave I get this as a greeting from I'm Not That Kind Of Girl Barista, "you're a hot mess" (now remember what I wrote about workday)... normally the baristas are supposed to say "hello" or  "welcome to the Coffee Cave can I help you?"... now you would think hearing "you're a hot mess" would mean that 'fuck guy I want to do you right here on the fucking counter' or 'damn you are fine man-eye-candy' or 'you're making my panties moist'... but nooooo fucking way... what an ego buster that was... and sure enough her sidekick jumped into say the same thing more or less... now this wasn't said in low tone of voice but rather in aloud tone where they could hear them both way back in the back of the Coffee Cave... yup the java drinks all got up to see what a 'hot mess' looks like... and know they know it looks like me... oh fuck joy... the only thing I came back with is "I take it you don't mean it in a sex way"... think about it... after having long hot fucking sweaty sex that you don't say I'm a 'hot mess' or you look at your just fucked partner and say you look like a 'hot mess' with a big grin on your face... like you just accomplished the unaccomplishable... needless to write I got my java, doctored it up the way I like it... made a few more comments and left... 
I really needed to visit my shower... what can I say... I'm Not That Kind Of Girl Barista was right... I was a 'hot mess'... looking forward to the time when I hear that from a hot MILF after we had 'long hot fucking sex'... 
till next time aloha

THE MAN WHO CHANGED THE WORLD!!!

It is a dark day for those of us who are Apple/Mac users... believers... geeks... followers... The one man who did make a difference in our lives our world... We the world will miss you Steve... 
Vaya Con Dios

National Coffee Day!

What the fuck? Why do I have to read/hear second hand that today this day is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Why didn't my Starbucks app not tell me that today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Why isn't it marked on the Calendars of the worlds that today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Why didn't Apple App Store not have an app for 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! They got an app for everything else... what can be more important than knowing that today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'!!! Damn I need to have another cup of java to celebrate 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'!!! Where are the HallMarkCards for 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'?!!! Hey have you heard or read today is 'NATIONAL COFFEE DAY'? If not go to your local Coffee Cave and have a cup of java to celebrate 'National Coffee Day'... enjoy aloha

When drinking at local Tiki Bar on the beach in the islands

Rule #86-when drinking at the local Tiki Bar on the beach in the islands-when ordering Mia Tia/Singapore Sling/Blue Hawaii/Planter's Punch in souvenir glass DO NOT try to speak pigeon (because you'll probably end up saying something offensive)-

when getting your souvenir glass don't toast the waiter/waitress/bartender "HERE TA BRA' (because you'll only get laugh at)-

when getting drunk in the Tiki Bar don't strip off your tourist matching outfit to jump up on the stage shaking your ass trying to hula (haoles can't shake their ass like the wahines)-








when drunk in the Tiki Bar from drinking out of your souvenir glasses don't get up to try to karaoke 'TINY BUBBLES'-





when getting thrown out of Tiki Bar don't tuck souvenir glasses into your top you might landed on them-when local PD shows up to arrest you don't yell out 'I'm American Citizen' (hey dumb-ass Hawaii been a state since 1959)-when being arrested don't bribe the local PD with 'American Traveler's Checks' (the laughter you'll be hearing when your head is being slammed to the hoop of car will be the Cops)-when being tossed into the backseat of cop car don't drunk tweet/text 'I'm being busted by five-0 (it's not easy to text with your hand cuffed behind your back)-when being tossed into the cell don't puke your guts out on the only cot in the cell (you're going to have to sleep on it)-when getting release from jail don't tell the desk sergeant you had better room service from the local hooker motel down the street-when getting back your personals from desk sergeant don't ask for your collection of souvenir glasses-when going back to the local Tiki Bar on the beach the next day don't say 'Hey remember me!'... 
aloha

When at a Luau

Tip #2 for Voodoo Witch Barista's time in the islands... when at a luau for haole (whitey) tourist... reminder (a) poi always goes with pork (not bacon) to be eaten with your fingers... 

reminder (b) the Mia Tais will get you drink real fast when served in a pitcher so you will do stupid things like put on a grass skirt and coconut shell top and try your best to shake your grass to the sounds of the island drums...










reminder (c) when putting on said grass skirt to shake when drunk to be wearing panties or thong so as not to show the rest of the haoles your hidden grass or bare patch... 

reminder (d) most luaus are for the enjoyment of the locals to see how haoles act like fools (Mia Tias or not)... 

reminder (e) always tip your waitress or waiter there is no currency exchange a buck is a buck...

















aloha

The Hex of Little Voodoo Hoodoo & Voodoo Witch & Chocolate!

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Blurred Lines

the tale I'm about to scribe could get me into trouble... but then when did I ever care about getting into trouble... come to think of it trouble and me are old drinking buddies from way back when... the tale for this blog is about (oh how I hate to write this because it shows that I'm getting old) blurred lines... I don't mean the blurred lines that run down the middle of the street because you'd had to much to drink blurred lines... the blurred lines I'm referring to are the ones about (here is goes ready or not) sexual preference lines... fuck once again here is a line that makes me read like something my mother would say... back in my day (I have no idea what my day is or when it was)... but getting back to it... lets go when I was in high school and more forward from there... dust off the memorabilia, sweep out the cobwebs here we go... in high school the lines between the sexes where more ridged... being girls like guys and guys like girls... anything else was buried deep into the closet (why someone coined the word 'closet' is fucking beyond me)... that doesn't mean there wasn't a few girls who enjoyed having all girls PE (fucking google it) or boys who really got all happy being on 
the football team... I will admit that I did my share of making fun of those who prefer the same sex... does that make me a bad person?... I fucking really don't care... but didn't I do anything other than joke about it (laughter can be good way to open ones eyes)... NO... never out of hate... did I have any friends that where 'into same sex'... I fucking don't know... like I wrote in those day it was buried deep in the closet... I gotta to state one more thing before I continue 'metro' wasn't around yet... I'm not sure why 'metro' is used to describe anyone... more about that later... let's move on... in my college days/porn more excepted... and girls where now reading Playboy and Penthouse... it was coming to light that it's was being more excepted that females could or allowed to have what I call 'COLLEGE EXPERIENCE' (for the rednecks and dummies in the back that would be girl on girl)... ah the double standards card... which means it's okay for females to have 'COLLEGE EXPERIENCE' but not the guys... I know that its bad manners for me to write about having had one night stands (sport fucking) with females
who have had 'COLLEGE EXPERIENCE'... it's even worst of me to  have had encouraged them to make pillow talk of there 'COLLEGE EXPERIENCE'... (it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one that has difficulties "picking up" females-I never claim to be mister smooth)... I get a laugh out of when a female tries to flirt or pick up another female it's not that much different than a guy trying... I wonder if it's the same for when a guy tries to pick up on a guy?... all I know is that thank GOD for alcohol for leveling playing field... moving forward... I went to work in a industry that was/is heavy with people who are into same sex... now I have written a short tale about the time I work in this industry and being cougar bait... and there is a tale about something that

happened to me during this time as well... it's very humorous but I'm going to leave you hanging... its a tale to be told over consuming a lot of alcohol... lets move forward to the now... once again I'm working in a industry that is heavy with same sex people but I got to say it doesn't really matter all that much anymore... I guess because I've gotten older and more liberal and with the 'youngins' they have blurred the line to where they really don't care at all...  the only ones that get their panties in a bunch over this are Rednecks, GOPers, Biblethumpers and a lot of old people (okay not all but quite a few of them)... who am I to say that one person happiness is to be judge by me... or by anyone... I know I don't like it when someone steps in and tells me I can't lust after certain females (MILFS-homer face-tongue hanging out with drool)... so why should anyone judge and condemn someone who is into same sex... all I know is that everyone on this mud ball has a right for happiness no matter who they prefer as their partner... here is a bit of double standard card... when a guy things of a 'MENAGE A TROIS'-it's two females and him.
when a woman things of a 'MENAGE A TROIS'-it's two guys and her...

As per WEBSTERS Dictionary:

Menage a trois--(means-french for) three somes, fmf or mfm sex with more than one at a time

Gay--(use to mean) happy, joyous, carefree, celebrate

Queer--(use to mean) Odd, out of sorts, ill

I don't know when these words got tagged for same sex people... all I know is that can't we turn these words back to what they once mean? instead of slurs.... 

I wrote about 'METRO' guys... which I come to find out and now know are not into same sex... I was told by a female that I could easily be a 'metro' guy or somewhat 'metro'... I ask her is it because I hate to go camping or roughing it in the woods (banjo plucking scares the shit out of me) that roughing it to me is a five star hotel where room service stops at 11pm?... that the only places I enjoy traveling to have international airports (now I would go for a nice bullet train ride)?... Or that I care about my looks (the battle over weight)(I got to say I was one of the better dressed in high school)... or maybe because I'm SHALLOW....  
well that's enough of my soapbox for now... moral of tale... 
why do we have to have lines...